A divorce, like a marriage, is probably one of the biggest things you will go through in your life. You are choosing to step away from the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. Waving goodbye to everything that was ever familiar to you. Closing the lid on the happy memories.
Divorces often get harder with time. The longer you’ve been married for, the more difficult – both physically and mentally – it can be. There are so many things to take into consideration: your home. Your children. Your mutual assets. The life you’re leaving behind.
Let’s Look at Some Timings
If you are in the unfortunate position where you’re either going through a divorce after 20 or more years of marriage, or considering it, you probably already know that it won’t be easy.
The length of time it takes you to fully “get over it” completely depends on your own personal situation. Generally, though, the reasons behind your divorce can play a big factor on your feelings moving on.
For some, it may be easier to accept and move on from a failed long-lasting marriage then others. If your relationship has ended because of a gradual decline in compatibility, for example, you might be able to close things off on friendly terms, which will make the divorce process, and whatever follows subsequently, a lot easier to handle.
The agreements that you make following your divorce may also come into play when it comes to how long it will take you to move on. If it works for the two of you to stay in contact, you might take your divorce better simply in knowing that the person you have built such a connection with is still a feature in your life.
However, staying friends isn’t always the best thing to do if you’re looking to move forward. It may only serve to bring back feelings of hurt and doubt.
A relationship that has ended badly, such as one that has involved cheating, is often the most difficult to move on from. It’s painful to know that after decades of marriage, your partner has betrayed your trust.
The subsequent divorce, necessary as you may feel it is, may have come out of the blue. In such an instance, you can expect that it may take you longer to heal from the hurt and betrayal your partner has caused you.
The important thing to remember is that no matter what, you will move on from your divorce eventually.
It may be the biggest hurdle life has thrown in front of you, but humans are exceptionally resilient, and you will surprise yourself with your capabilities to carry on even at the most difficult times. Know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it will help you to reach it faster.
Moving On: Finding Your Own Two Feet After a Divorce
Moving on from a relationship is never going to be easy, whether you ended on the best or the worst of terms. Following your divorce, it’s important that you take the time to look after yourself, and seek external help if you need it.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family for support. It’s what they’re there for, and you’d do the same for them if the roles were reversed.
If you need legal advice prior to, or after, your divorce, don’t put this off. A lawyer can often help you put things into perspective in what is a highly emotional time.
You need your divorce to run as smoothly as possible so that you can focus on rebuilding yourself and moving on into the next stage of your life.
Further reading: Why does a cheating partner not want a divorce?